"Don't Mess with Me," Says the Glacier.
[Scene: You're standing in front of the massive, towering Perito Moreno Glacier. The glacier seems to have a personality of its own, and it's not very happy with your presence.] You: Alright, big guy, I'm here to climb you. Yeah, you heard me. To the top of that 74-meter, 240-foot wall of ice. Glacier: (in a deep, cracking voice) Oh, is that so? You: (undeterred) Absolutely! I've been training for this my whole life. Well, maybe not my whole life, but at least since I saw that nature documentary. Glacier: (chuckles, a sound like cracking ice) Training? You think a few hours at the gym is going to prepare you for me? I've been around for thousands of years. I've seen dinosaurs come and go. You: Yeah, yeah, I get it. You're old. But I'm young and full of energy. And besides, I've got the right gear. (You show off your climbing equipment) Glacier: Gear? That's cute. You know, they say I'm melting. But I think you're the one who's about to melt under the pressure. You: (trying to lighten the mood) Hey, we're all just trying to make it in this world, right? And besides, I'm not just doing this for me. I'm doing it for science! Glacier: (sarcastically) Oh, really? And what exactly are you going to discover up there? That I'm cold? That ice is slippery? You: Well, actually, I'm hoping to learn more about the glacier's retreat and the impact of climate change. Glacier: Climate change? That's a new one. Last I checked, it was humans causing all the problems. You: Okay, okay, let's not get political. Glacier: (sighs dramatically) Fine. But let me warn you, buddy. I'm 5 kilometers wide and 170 meters deep. You're not going to get very far. You: (determined) We'll see about that. I've got my eye on the prize. That sweet, sweet summit. Glacier: (chuckles again) Summit? More like the bottom of a very deep lake. [The glacier lets out a huge crack, and a chunk of ice breaks off and crashes into the water below. You take a step back.] You: Okay, maybe I'll just stick to the hiking trail. Glacier: (satisfied) Now that's more like it. [The crowd laughs]